A Valentines Message

Valentine's week tends to draw attention to relationships of every kind; romantic ones, yes, but also friendships, working partnerships, and the one you have with yourself.

Many relationships feel harder than they need to be, and it is not because people don't care for each other. They are harder because expectations are left unspoken. Things are assumed rather than said. Meaning is inferred rather than clarified, and over time, small gaps between expectation and reality get filled in by interpretation, and those interpretations can drift a long way from what either person intended.

Here's something to think about. Being vague about how you feel isn't being kind to yourself or partner. It's outsourcing the hard work of honesty to the other person who now has to guess, adjust, and hope they got it right. That's not care, that's actually creating unnecessary friction in the relationship.

Clarity, by contrast, is generous. It removes the cognitive load of interpretation and replaces it with certainty. When people know where they stand, they can focus their energy on showing up correctly, rather than second-guessing what's required.

But clarity with others starts with clarity within yourself. I said this before, but its worth repeating. You teach people how to treat you through what you're willing to tolerate repeatedly. When you know your standards and communicate them, you stop hoping people will guess and start operating from certainty. That's not arrogance, that's self-respect.

This can be as simple as saying, "I'd appreciate a quick message if you're running late" instead of silently resenting someone's tardiness. Or stating, "I work best with decisions made by Friday" instead of stewing over last-minute requests. Small, explicit asks prevent large, silent resentments.

The right people are drawn to clarity, they respect it. They mirror it. The wrong people avoid it because it exposes misalignment early.

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An idea
Clarity is an act of care.

An observation
We've confused vagueness and not wanting to hurt someones feelings with your honesty, with warmth and compassion. In reality, being explicit is the kindest thing you can do. It removes the burden of guessing and gives people a clear path to meet you well.

A question
What clarity have you been avoiding this week because you're hoping the other person will just know?

That’s all for now.

I’ll be back in your inbox again soon.